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My Life as a Movie Heroine...

Okay... so I meant to talk to bathmat about Wanderer admin. But somehow, we started writing the story for an incredibly bad film, featuring me as the heroine who screams a lot. Before we send the idea off to some major production companies (it's already been rejected by flippyfrog, presumably for being appalling), I shall post the plot summary here for you, under a cut (to protect the innocent).

The film is called "The Galloway Game", by the way. Our sell line (the one sentence we will use to sell it) is as follows: It's a retro action/adventure film that focuses on real-life issues like hunger, poverty and AIDS, and there are Amazons.

Oh, and the tag line for the movie poster will be: "This Summer... Not even the airspace above Marrakech is safe..."

Thanks to flippyfrog for the inspiring comments about cows, and remember, it's still a work in progress...

Okay, so the film presumably starts with Professor Morrell and Dr. Gorgon. They are using a nuclear reactor to test the authenticity of one of the eight oracles (I think). Anyway, the reactor explodes, and Dr. Gorgon emerges as an insane, megalomaniacal, radioactive super-villain.

It turns out that Prof. Morrell and Dr. Gorgon were attempting to find the Doomsday Device. But now Gorgon is determined to get the Device and use it for his own ends, instead of to alleviate African poverty, as was the original intention. So now, Gorgon and Prof. Morrell have to race each other to collect all 8 oracles, which when together will reveal the location of the Doomsday Device.

So, Prof. Morrell calls on Miss Wood (that's me... for some reason), a bookish former student of Dr. Gorgon who is writing her thesis on the history of the Doomsday Device. (We aren't sure whether it will be revealed at this point that Miss Wood and Dr. Gorgon had a brief but passionate affair while she was his student.) Anyway, Miss Wood and Prof. Morrell set out to get the 8 oracles.

BUT Morrell needs further help, so he procures the services of his estranged son, Jack Galloway. Jack Galloway was raised in an African orphanage, after he and his mother were abandoned by Dr. Morrell. This accounts for the icy relationship between father and son (though not his American accent). Jack Galloway is a pilot, and he is Rugged and Manly (note the importance of the capitals). He has stubble and a leather jacket and wears a utility belt, bedecked with guns, knives, climing equipment and a bottle opener. He and Miss Wood don't like each other. She thinks he is rude, and he finds her unnattractive. Throughout the film, he will make a variety of patronising and sexist remarks, and she will use thinly-veiled innuendo to insult his manhood.

After that, we're not sure what happens. They somehow end up in Peru, looking for an oracle. Miss Wood will get wet, and she will have to dress in the clothes of the native women. This local costume will inexplicably be more revealing on Miss Wood then it is on the natives. Miss Wood will continue to wear her glasses, however, thus preventing Jack Galloway from realising he is in love with her. The natives will comically mistake Professor Morrell for a God, and will provide him with information he needs to find the oracle hidden in Peru. The natives will be happy to help, because Dr. Gorgon is building a road through their village, and has brought slavery and AIDS to their peaceful community (see... real-life issues handled in a clumsy and obvious manner. It's just right.)

They have some kind of party, and Miss Wood gets drunk. Jack Galloway realises she is not as annoying as he thought. He could take advantage of her drunken state, but he doesn't, because despite his rougish exterior, he is really a Gentleman. Duh!

Then they go to Africa, and one of Dr. Gorgon's men plants a bomb on the wing of Jack Galloway's plane. It explodes over Marrakech. The plane crashes in the jungle, and Miss Wood is quick to blame Jack Galloway. Prof. Morrell is bitten by a snake, and while Jack Galloway and Miss Wood go to look for medicine (leaving him alone for some unknown reason), they encounter an unrealistic tiger. Miss Wood screams and must be protected by Jack Galloway. But the tiger is quickly killed by a group of Amazons out hunting. The Amazons wear innappropriate high heels and revealing clothes.

Miss Wood and Jack Galloway are given the hospitality of the Amazons, and some medicine for Dr. Morrell. But it soon becomes clear that they want to seduce Jack Galloway and murder him, so he and Miss Wood must run away with the medicine.

Then there are many male vs. female jibes.

But while in the jungle, Jack Galloway takes off Miss Wood's glasses and let's down her hair and says "My God, Miss Wood, you're beautiful", or words to that effect. But Miss Wood hands him the glasses and says "Clearly you need these more then me, then". There can be no canned-laughter because they don't have that in films, but it's a canned-laughter moment. But then a giant robotic spider comes up behind Jack Galloway, and Miss Wood screams, so he has to swing her to safety on a vine.

Then there's a big gap, and we don't know what happens there. Probably the giant robotic spider is destroyed by Jack Galloway and his utility belt. Then they return to Professor Morrell, cure him ludicrously quickly and presumably find an oracle.

At some point, they end up in Dr. Gorgon's volcano lair, where Miss Wood will dress up in revealing clothing (she no longer wears glasses, and can inexplicably see without them, which begs the question of why she was wearing them all this time), and pretend to be in love with Dr. Gorgon. Jack Galloway will not be able to figure out why this makes him jealous, by God! Miss Wood is only doing it to save Jack Galloway's life, however. They assemble the 8 oracles in one place, and both Dr. Gorgon and Miss Wood see where the Doomsday Device is. Then Dr. Gorgon's volcano lair erupts, and they all have to run away.

In the end, Dr. Gorgon is defeated and Prof. Morrell, Jack Galloway and Miss Wood are left with the Doomsday Device. Jack Galloway wants to use it to defeat African poverty (the African poverty he grew up in, despite his American accent), but Morrell and Miss Wood know it has to be destroyed because its power can never truly be harnessed for good. But it's okay, becasue Jack Galloway realises he is in love with Miss Wood, and that's enough to make him forget about his commitment to defeating African poverty. So they set the Doomsday Device to self destruct, and run away. Jack Galloway and Miss Wood kiss passionately before the backdrop of the exploding Doomsday Device, and she appears to forget all about his patronising and sexist comments, because this is clearly True Love. And she knows it's True Love because he is heroic and wears a utility belt and she screams a lot, and thus it is a match made in heaven.

The End.

And that's my life as a movie heroine. Just don't ask how we got there, because I really couldn't tell you...

In more important news, I'm doing some work on my detective series about the dream detective. The Lucid Detective it is called, as you may recall. It was on hiatus for a long while, but I'm giving it another go. I like Olaf and his non-Swedish Swedish! Is great fun.

LorF, unfortunately, has yielded no work at all, while the Story About Stories is slowly being written. I am still having trouble with POV and tense, so I really need to get that nailed before I can go much further.

I start uni again today. My first lecture is at 1:00. *sigh* Hopefully this will be a better semester then the previous ones. I'll be studying terrorism, which I bet will be a barrel of laughs, huh? Oh well... I suppose maybe it'll come in handy for LorF... Kate is a terrorist, after all, however much she claims not to be.

I anticipate busyness over the next few weeks. I have something special to plan for Obernet, as well as Moonfair to work on and I've got to get a fuller itinerary together for New Zealand.

Guess I'll have to take time out from screaming and being attacked by robotic spiders...

EDIT: I forgot to mention that Uni have foolishly DOUBLED the internet quota. I now get a maximum 80mb, with 10mb increase a day. FOOLS! FOOLS!!! Muahahahahahahaha!!!

EDIT: I also forgot to talk about Harry Potter. I was going to put my thoughts under a cut, but I think I'll just make another entry for them, then you can all avoid them as you wish. I will say however, that I loved it. It was much better then the last two! And it didn't feel too long, even though it wasn't action packed.


( 1 comment! — Make Remark! )
Jul. 19th, 2005 05:46 am (UTC)
Goodness - if ever I needed a good reason to put a sticky note on my monitor saying LOG INTO MSN!!, then this is surely it. Although I doubt I would have been able to type for doubling-up with laughter, it would have been fun just to watch it all happening on the screen in front of me.

You know, I've always wanted to write a silly script, just so I could have a male character take his glasses off and say, "Miss Smith! You're beautiful without my glasses!" (Let the canned groaning commence...)
( 1 comment! — Make Remark! )

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