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An open and shut case

Approx. 22:15 Thursday

Officers responded to a loud noise in dining room. Bird cage was found overturned on floor. Small black and white suspect observed fleeing the scene.

Suspect was chased and temporarily cornered in hallway. Remaining officers attended to the scene. Much of the evidence was unfortunately destroyed in attempts to rescue a twelve-year-old male, trapped by his overturned bird box. Once rescued and checked for injury, the victim appeared calm and composed. He did not give testimony at the scene. Victim was given an extensive health check, provided with a meal and carefully watched for signs of trauma.

Suspect finally apprehended. Resisted arrest. Suspect, a six month old female, refused to answer questions and was placed in lockdown. A character witness volunteered information, suggesting suspect was not of a disposition to deliberately attack the victim. This testimony largely discounted as suspect known to police, and repeatedly cautioned after making threatening moves towards victim.

Suspect appears unremorseful. Remains in lockdown and bail has not been granted.

Prosecutor will be pushing a charge of attempted murder.


( 7 comments! — Make Remark! )
Jul. 26th, 2007 01:49 pm (UTC)
hehehe =P Having visited, I think I can guess who the suspect was =P
Jul. 26th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC)
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...

Love it!

I'll gladly do the defense. Seriously, I always say that cats killing birds is nature -- and you can never change it.

Anyway, that was great. Reminds me of my 'stupid bird' routine I do -- which I just repeated on Tuesday night for a new audience.

Our (now deceased) cat Indy was front declawed and couldn't jump worth a damn -- and never climbed trees at all. But he was sneaky and fast! He could kill birds while they were on the ground, eating.

Here's the routine:

"Hey! Where's Sam? He was here a minute ago..."

"Isn't that him lying over there, not moving?"

"Yeah. I wonder what's up."

"Hey! Where are Sam and Bill? I was just talking to Bill. Wait. Isn't that Bill lying over there? I wonder what happened..."

"Hey! Where are Sam, Bill and Mary? Well, I'm starved, so I think I'll hop over there and get more food..."

There's no shout of 'bird homicide, better avoid their yard for now' -- and it's not like they can't just go to a hanging bird feeder (right in our yard) for food. But instead they stay on the ground after each killing -- and keep pecking at food. Talk about bird brains!

Birds are fine, but it's hard to take them too seriously... (smile)

I don't doubt the suspect is remorseless...
Jul. 27th, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)
Charlie Proper of the Gazette, could you please tell us if the suspect has asked for a lawyer?

Are you considering anyone else in the case?

Do you think you may be desperate to close this case after failing to gaol Douglas Dog last week?

Can you justify the tax payers out there forking up the cash to keep the suspect in custody?
Jul. 27th, 2007 01:14 am (UTC)
Did that nasty cat attack your poor lovie AGAIN?

I'll keeel it. I'll keeeel it!!
Jul. 27th, 2007 01:45 am (UTC)
I think if anybody "keels" that bloody cat, it's more likely to be me.
Jul. 27th, 2007 06:29 am (UTC)
Nooooooo! No "keeling" the Dotty Monster. She's just too cute. I feel kinda sorry for the bird though.
Jul. 30th, 2007 10:02 am (UTC)
I'm sure dot didn't mean it.....much....
( 7 comments! — Make Remark! )

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