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Lookie lookie!

Hey hey hey!!!

So, what's been going on in the life of the Kayt?

Fuck all, mis amigos.

I haven't posted since I was in hospital and to be frank, the world hasn't vastly improved since that point. But the important thing is that I no longer need 24 hour supervision and no one has confiscated my razor. There is nothing in the world to make you feel more ashamed than having to ask someone for your razor every time you want to take a shower. It's humiliating is what it is.

Sophie, Dinusha, Emily and Claire (nowadays basically the only people I know in Canberra) were absolutely wonderful. They came to visit me all the time and never once complained that it was inconvenient or annoying, though the hospital could not have been further from Dinusha or Sophie. I got some gorgeous flowers from Marija and Marina and lots of cards and good wishes from all the lovely people I know interstate.

I've been out of the hospital for months now, and things are progressing very slowly. Sometimes I take a few steps backwards, but I always bounce back again, so that doesn't matter. At the moment, I'm working very hard on my social skills. I've been to two parties, which for me is a massive achievement. So go me!!! I may not have been posting on LJ, but I have been reading my Flist and recently I've been making comments. I've started logging on to MSN again and having a chat now and then. I try to call Sophie more often and hang out a little more.

I'm still without a job, but I go to my appointments with the job placement lady. She's nice but I find the process frustrating. She's all about my future career, when what I need, right now is a JOB. It doesn't have to be what I want to spend my life doing, but my confidence is shattered and I'm certain having a job will fix me right up. I can't even look at the job ads without having an anxiety attack, so I was not amused when she left me ALONE with a big book of career options for twenty minutes. I started to cry, it was so stressful. But I am trying. Once I start feeling anxious in her office, I force myself to keep doing the activity for just a little longer.

What have I covered? Social life, job... Oh...

My sleep patterns are still shot to hell. Just abysmal. I've tried going to sleep at every hour from 9pm to 4am. It doesn't matter: I still can't get out again before 11am. I've tried music, of different types at different volumes, coming from different locations in the room. I've left the light on and I've kept it off. I've used one pillow, two pillows, three pillows. I've put my head at either end of the bed. I've slept on my stomach and on my back and on my side. I've worn more or less by way of pyjamas. I've taken my medication at different times of day. I've tried reading, going online, watching TV, writing, drawing and anything I can think of before bed. I've tried going straight to bed. On a full stomach, on an empty stomach. With socks and without. I've tried each and every one of the teddy bears/penguins/dogs in the room. Lavender, marjoram, just a little and a whole lot. It doesn't matter what I do. I cannot sleep.

I guess I'll either have to get used to it or go mad!

Anyway, that's where I'm up to. I'm not up in the clouds, but I feel pretty good about it all. Every day I'm NOT in hospital is a positive step and I think I'm making big progress in being sociable again. It's annoying that I can't sleep, but that will improve when I get a job. It has to, basically.

That's all from me, in any case. I'm not the busiest of beavers (I'm the one who lies on the couch moaning and holding my stomach, watching the other beavers work), but I'm overcoming some pretty big obstacles in my own head. So even though it looks like I sit at home all day achieving nothing, I'm achieving a lot.

Today I posted on my LJ. That's a big achievement. I'm very proud.

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Comments

( 10 comments! — Make Remark! )
inhumelesnt
May. 13th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
*big hugs* Multi wellwishes Kayt.
sirgallivant
May. 13th, 2008 09:33 pm (UTC)
Welcome back. :~)
(Anonymous)
May. 14th, 2008 01:04 am (UTC)
*does dance* hugs!
miska_maz
May. 14th, 2008 01:04 am (UTC)
sorry that was me...silly uni computer
lizzyrose89
May. 14th, 2008 01:48 am (UTC)
Glad to see you're still around online :-)
globox
May. 14th, 2008 04:21 am (UTC)
At least you have stuff to write about. I miss your writings.
rilla06
May. 14th, 2008 07:41 am (UTC)
*jumps on you* :D
katiefoolery
May. 14th, 2008 09:23 am (UTC)
My evil twin!

*squishes*

'Tis so good to hear from you. I'm glad you're bringing a positive attitude towards things - that's the best thing you could possibly do. And never fear, you'll get yourself a job in no time.
mysticaingeal
May. 14th, 2008 09:54 am (UTC)
*hugs* Lovely to see you back on lj miss Kayt =)
saralonde24
May. 15th, 2008 03:08 am (UTC)
I'm glad to hear that things are progressing for you. Many *hugs* and it is great to hear from you on LJ.
( 10 comments! — Make Remark! )

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